Bella Thorne blew us all away with her scandalous and raw new book, The Life of a Wannabe Mogul: Mental Disarray.
In the book, Bella Thorne talks about the loss of her father at 9, battling depression and how she was a sexual assault victim. She dedicates the book to herself and all the lovely lost souls out there.
The loss of her father really has impacted her, she still feels pain over his death. When Thorne was 9, her father passed away in a motorcycle accident.
She writes in a poem titled ‘daddy’: “why did you leave? when will you be back? why wont you be at my wedding / or my funeral? they say a parent should never have to burry their child but a child should never have 2 burry their dad either.”
Despite her spelling, she chose to ignore it, “im not fixing my imperfections for your idea of perfect,” she says.
The star also labels herself as pansexual, and not a bisexual.
Thorne is no stranger to mental illness and depression. The theme of the book seems to be centered around mainly depression.
The 21-year-old stated that she is numb to existence and struggles with body dysmorphia, writing “I need god damn validation from a f-ing ccricket [sic] crossing the road.”
In addition to all that, she was molested as a child from the age of 6 to 14. She refuses to name her abuser, and justifies her choice of not going to the police:
“i dont want to sit down with the cops and cconvice them i was raped many times / why should i have to convice someone i was taken advantage of? / why is our legal system so f-ed up they make their victims feel like villains.”
She also happens to relate the need of constantly being in a relationship and never single to her childhood trauma. “Was it beacuse I was molested my whole life? / exposed to sex at such a young age that feels the most natural to offer the world?” she contemplates.
After throwing in some harsh words about her mother: “I hope you know we never learned how to love Or at least I never did. I learned love from you and daddy but since he was gone mostly from you… it’s very hard for me to love properly, to love someone good to me.”
The star apologizes on Instagram publicly for upsetting her mother and for being too aggressive in her wording.
On the other hand, Thorne’s relationship with her older sister Dani is perfect. “No words could do justice for the love I have invested in you. / I simply love everything you do.” she says.
To readers, “I’m sorry if you’re reading this and you don’t have a sister or you aren’t close w yours,” she adds.